Amma loves you Ali Farzan

Today I saw the America you wanted to live in

You wrote for the school magazine in Grade One that you want to go to America as snow falls there and you would like to do ice skating. I was worried that it rarely snows in memphis so you will be disappointed. When I woke up this morning I saw the grass covered with the white blanket, last night it snowed. Immediately I wanted you to be here and enjoy it. Today we didn’t opened the front door till afternoon. I am sure if you were there it would have been opened for at least 10 times since morning.

You never saw snow but rain always made you crazy. Cycling, skating, going out in the car in rain; all was exciting for you but most of all was the joy of feeling the raindrops. The expression of joy on your face in rain was unmatchable. Umbrella was a toy for you and the best time to play with it was in rain. In rain your choice was to walk and cycle on the road in the rain water rather than finding a dry patch. I remember one day it was raining and you and Mustafa were late in coming back from school. I went to the bus stop finding Mustafa walking alone. I asked about you and he mentioned you sharing your umbrella with a little girl. You made sure her getting in her house without being wet and then looked around for us. I will not use my umbrella now but yours in rain and will feel that you are with me, trying to save me from being wet.

Are you the same caring soul Ali Farzan in Heaven. How can I know, I am here to see white sheet of snow without you. God gives joy in life but equals it by grief. You filled my heart with joy, happiness and completeness, now its all empty.Image


5 responses

  1. Pingback: Today I saw the America you wanted to live in | isbah2ali

  2. Just after reading this blog I felt my face all wet ….but then I realized that your conversation took me too in the rain with Ali Farzan but how’s it raining when I’m in bed… Its rain of tears……that filled my eyes to brim n showered my face …my heart…..splashes of water while Ali jumped in road filled water and pretending as if he didn’t do on purpose…… How I wish just for once it would all come back to me. Isbah Baji you know ….the snow you saw today……. you must go out and see then you will feel Ali Farzan everywhere… see with the eye of your soul…. He didn’t go anywhere…..he’s just beside you. Don’t feel lonely…… He’s just beside you…… After all its a mother who is addressing to her son!


    February 10, 2014 at 5:27 pm

    • You introduced him to earthworms and what happens when salt is sprinkled on it. There are so many joys you and Ali farzan had and i was not part of those like playing with cats. he knew who was his fellow in such playful things. Love you


      February 11, 2014 at 7:04 am

  3. SamiyaKazmi

    I still remember that it hardly rained in karachi during my latest visit, it used to be cloudy only.. Ali used to sleep on my arm on the mattress as we used to read books and play imaginary stuff.. but the sudden sound of rain woke us up and THE EXCITEMENT on his face was BEYOND WORDS.. he was like SAMIYA KHALA baarish tez horahi hai with his giggle..
    Love u Ali..


    February 17, 2014 at 6:28 am

    • That was the first time he refused to sleep with me saying he is big enough to manage. He did it a couple of times after you left. Yes his excitement was amazing.


      February 17, 2014 at 4:29 pm

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