Amma loves you Ali Farzan

Twelve years back, the same day

Twelve years back, the same day, I came to realize what is meant by a blessing. I came to know how nice Allah can be, and what a bounty looks like. I saw you the second day of your birth. It is strange but I was scared to see you. The first day the doctor did not ask me to visit you and my fear grew larger of your condition being normal. The second day I went on her insistence and stood hesitantly before the room where you were kept due to the pre-mature birth. My legs were shaking and there was no joy. I did not have faith in myself for being a mother. I saw you with such objectivity. Motherhood came gradually to me. Your warmth changed everything. The fear was replaced by love, the concern by care, and the shaken belief by completeness.

At the time of birth you were too small-just 2 kg. Nani realized that the sweaters she knitted and bought wont fit you. It took her three days to knit the orange sweater for you. It is not a nice shade for kids but that was the first piece of wool she found in her drawers. It fitted you perfectly. I kept it saved to tease you in your youth. I thought I will ask you to imagine how small in size you came to this world by showing that sweater.

It was hard for me to believe the doctors and the nurses that you were a super active child. Munni phopho told me to trust the comments as pre-mature children are comparatively more active. You were diagnosed with mild jaundice and the fifth or sixth day of your birth the light treatment started. The second day of the treatment, the nurse was disturbed; asking me why does she find you out of the bulb’s focus after every two hours. It was the moment I believed in all the comments about your activity. It was cold in the early moths so you were wrapped most of the time except around 12 pm when you were exposed to the sunlight for massage and bath in front of the French window in the bedroom. And you completely enjoyed that freedom hour. I remember the kicks and the movement of hands. I remember the joy I felt while taking care of your tiny but beautiful body.

At the time of your birth I found you the cutest among all the kids in the hospital. I firmly believed that none of them matched you. There were healthier kids but no one looked prettier to you. Now I have realized that every mother thinks the same. But I do not believe that my pride and joy in you is a universal motherhood element. I believe that you are very special. See even Allah Mian has saved you from me teasing you using that orange sweater.  I need to measure its length and width by hand so I can describe its size to you when we meet. Stay blessed and enjoy every moment when we are not together.



4 responses

  1. Margie Stevens

    Thank you for sharing such a sweet memory. Hugs to you my dear friend.


    December 2, 2015 at 9:26 am

    • Thanks dear, love your soothing company.


      December 2, 2015 at 10:31 am

  2. Sabiha Zohair

    Sometimes its so difficult to find words to express feelings coming straight from heart.Isbah baji what memories you have ….no one else can ever match but im proud to say that im one of those lucky ones who got the opportunity to feel that blessing .What a child! I remember those small steps entering our house opening gate by himself and entering in the house with a look of showing that i have right on this house …and it would really touch our hearts.Ali….my child …you must be thinking why mami doesnt posts or writes anymore about you anywhere but the truth is… each passing time…every time i think to write… hand trembles….my vocab of words vanish and im blank with just a glowing cheerful face of urs only on my mind….Even at this moment …with every word i say…i feel as my heart has been grasped tightly…
    All i can say is..Ali jaan…mami loves u and will always love you and no other love can replace your love from my heart…


    December 2, 2015 at 6:15 pm

    • You were such good friends of each other. I cannot forget that it was you behind his passion to be a writer as gave him his first novel on his eighth birthday. Always remember, no one can replace you in his heart also.


      December 3, 2015 at 1:07 am

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