I want to be your friend
This “hi” is the first sign of the change I am proposing in our relationship; I want to be your friend. I know I am not one of those you wish to be friend with. I do not offer the charisma and spark I noticed in your friends. But not all of our friends are of equal status to us. Some are followers and we keep pleasing them by letting them follow us. Allow me to follow you, Ali Farzan.
To be your friend, I need to have more courage and faith, to have belief in myself. Like you, I want to be courteous and courageous at the same time. It was the art I have learnt from you. Whenever you found some disagreement with an elder, you did not challenge but tried to clear the misconception. I remember the time Tahera mami mentioned the food you left in the plate. You clarified to me later that may be she felt that you were trying to hide the food like always. I was surprised that you agreed to her authority but tried to make clear that you were not wrong. This art is very rare. We either confront or accept what others say. Your social skills were too good for me. But I can try to imitate, to copycat my son.
Being your friend, let me tell that you were not that perfect. Your hesitation of greeting elders was a displeasure to me. My urgency of saying salam to elders sometimes ends up in a joke but you were not enthusiastic about that. I was not sure what I and nani had missed in guiding you in this regard until I saw you greeting your friends in the school. It was a morning when you entered in the school and I followed you for some reason. I saw you meeting your friends standing in a circle. You whispered “hi” to one or two and shook hands with a couple-thats it, and the chat continued. I saw another friend joining the group in the same manner. That day I realized the generation gap. I told myself that the norms of greetings have got changed. Being a bad follower, I did not change my greeting style. I thought I am the mother so do not need to do things in your way. But now I want to be your friend so need to follow you.
The only pray I make for myself is to find the stay with you forever. I am sure you will be happy to be with your amma but I am not sure if our roles will be the same. You would have grown further; more knowledgeable, skilful, and lively, and I am noticing decline in myself. I thought I did not need any intelligence, sharpness, and mindfulness after you. I did not have a reason to grow. I thought I cannot see my north star so can stroll to kill the time in this world. But I was wrong. I can meet you through my prayers but need to grow to be your friend. What if I find everyone having equal relationship in the heaven. This equal relationship demands a better amma. I need to follow your ways and improve my courage, confidence, and sharpness. I have to work for that.